The Sound of Your Own Voice

     Not too long ago, I was having one of those days when I just could not pull myself out of the past and back into the moment.  I was utterly depressed and bogged down in a general feeling of hopelessness.  To describe the place I was in as a dark pit would be an understatement.  A trusted friend and confidant had betrayed me over a year ago and I could not move past it.  On this day, all the feelings of anger, hurt, and disappointment bubbled inside me like simmering vat of poison ready to consume me at any moment.    I felt abandoned by the person that I had respected, admired, and loved and I felt abandoned by God.

     In order to pull out of this place I decided I needed to talk to someone and called my dear friend Joy.  Joy, is an ordained minister, and has known me for nearly twenty years. I have always found her to be wise and straightforward, just what I needed at this point.  Certainly, she would be able to explain to me why God and the Universe had turned on me in a time when I needed comforting the most.  I knew I needed to come to a place of forgiveness, forgiving my betrayer and myself but the road to that place was unclear.  I was sure that Joy would be able to light the way for me.  So off I went to meet with her, confident that she would spew out some words of wisdom that would help to pull me out of the pit.

     For two hours, we talked about the circumstances that had taken place. We talked about forgiveness and why I felt that I needed to forgive myself.  We talked about anger and resentment, trust and abandonment. Then she asked the question. Why do you think that God has abandoned you? My reply,” because I cannot hear God’s voice anymore.”  I waited for her response sure, that this would be the moment that she would impart wisdom that would pull me back into the light. All she did was ask another question, “What does God’s voice sound like?”  I was so disappointed in her at that moment.  My mind raced looking for an answer and then it happened.  I have no idea where my answer came from. It seemed too roll off my tongue without going through my brain first.  I had no time to analyze the validity of my statement, it was just there.  “Maybe the reason I do not think that God is talking to me is because the voice God uses is my own.”  A smile erupted on Joy’s face and my brain entered that Aha stage.

     On an intellectual level, I have always believed that to be created in the image of God meant that within us was a spark of divinity, that the heart of God was within our hearts. What I had never fully embodied in my understanding was that God’s wisdom could possibly come from within me.   I have always had a very strong gut instinct about things but I have not always listened to it.  Until that moment talking to Joy, I had never equated that gut instinct, my own voice, as coming from that divine part of me.

     God speaks to us in many ways, through music, nature, and the voices of others.  One of the ways God speaks to us is through our own experiences and from deep within our own heart.  Often times we dismiss these messages because they come in the form of our own voice.  Deep within our being is our essence, the part of us that has always been, and will always be, connected to the source of our creation. Some of us see this source as God and some as the Universe, by whatever name we call source it is clear that we are an integral part.   Within us lies the wisdom and voices of the ages we need only still our minds, release our ego, and listen.  Be open and do not dismiss your inner knowing. The answers you seek may come in the sound of your own voice.

Blessings,
Sheila